sorrow

Will my burden ever pass from me? Will my joy not return? What more will you ask of me oh Lord? I have done your biddings w/o reserve. If this is to strengthen me why do I feel so weak?

I came to You because I had nowhere else to go. Why do you turn from me when my enemies are at my doorstep? Pain and suffering are my only friends now. For they have never left my side. My love has forsaken me and turned to another. For even now she relishes in my sorrow. Her choices are for herself: mine are for my Lord. Yet my God seems to be satisfied only with my mistakes.

What more will you take from me, as MY love is all I have left to give. All is lost. My defense is down to the marrow; my bones long ago have been crushed. All I ask for is what I want; all You give me is what I need? Why does it seem to be not enough?

I cannot continue down this crossing. The water is too deep. I swim against the currents of my mourning; my sole has been raped yet again. I am becoming numb to the pain. Take my heart God, as it is of no use to me. The remnants are a tattered Old Glory at the fort surrounding my heart. Wave after wave of evil has stormed my very being. Why must you mock me with promises when all I see are “truths”? They tear at my very sole. Rip open my veins so that my pain will finally be no more.

Why could I not been born w/o feelings. Oh to sin w/o remorse. I want to injure w/o pain. Why shouldn’t I sin w/o consequences? Why do you hate me so much to allow me to feel? Why must I continue? Please let me go. Why must revenge be only Yours? Why can I not feel the satisfaction of seeing my enemies fall before me? Why do you block my feeble attempts at hate?

Forgive me my Lord, for I have sinned.